S is for Sabotage

By the time this post is published, it will be months later.  But I want to talk about how we sabotage ourselves.

You all know about my weight loss journey.  My ups, my downs, my stagnated progress.  Sometimes, a small gain just happens even when you're working really hard and other times, you step on the scale at a meeting and, well, you just know.  You know exactly what you did to yourself this week.  You can say, "It's swelling." or "I don't know what happened." or "It must be muscle gain."  But, girl, you *know*.  You can lie to the app and your friend, but you *cannot* lie to yourself.

The scale at my meeting is consistently about 4 pounds higher than at home.  It stinks, but it's a fact.  So, one week, I was almost in *Onederland* at home and I knew, that week I'd be hitting it.  In fact, the day after weigh in I weighed in at 199.8!  It had been a good 3 years, maybe more since I was under 200.  I was pretty excited.  And then I spent the *entire* week stuffing my face.  It was horrific.  I couldn't stop.  I didn't *want* to stop, even though I knew I was going to be so angry at myself all week.  And I would seriously kick myself on Saturday.

My heart hurts for the girl who sometimes hates herself so much that she sabotages her health and happiness like this.  I'm hoping when this posts, it will be such a long ago bunch of silliness.  I hope I will be able to say I didn't do this again.  Hopefully.

Don't hurt yourselves.  Love yourselves.